So What Do You Think Happened?

By far and away, this is the question I get most often. It's also really starting to get on my nerves. Obviously I failed the bar, what the fuck do they think happened? If they are hoping to receive an extended discourse by me, eminent bar failure extraordinaire, concerning the various pitfalls that I assume resulted in my failure, then they most certainly should not hold their breath. I always answer that I have no idea what happened, and that I won’t know until December 11 (somehow I think December 7th would have been a more fitting day to release the tests), while pledging to myself that even if I did know what had happened, I certainly wouldn't tell whoever is asking. Those individuals raised with good manners and possessing a modicum of social grace always leave it at that. On the other hand, bottom feeding cretins invariably insist on posing a follow- up question along the lines of, “but what do you really think went wrong?” To whom I can only respond, “hell if I know.” I'm guessing that this answer will eventually evolve into something more succinct involving the words 'fuck' and 'off.'

I wish I could say that I was struck down with an exotic disease that prevented me from completing my test, or that I encountered one of the myriad doomsday scenarios meticulously outlined by Professor Von Schnickelfritz (or whatever his name was) during the course of his otherwise less than stellar homilies on the joys of the performance test and how to avoid the various meteorological phenomena and encounters with sleeping pills that have previously felled hapless bar takers. Nor did my computer fuck up like everyone else around me, so I can’t blame it on the piece of shit that I obtained in response to the “special 1L discount,” which doubtlessly resulted in some sort of kick back to the administration’s Hawaii slush fund so that the dean and his entourage could engage in some serious team-building exercises in order to devise new ways to screw hapless law students out of their loan checks.

Nevertheless, I have to say that I’m starting to wonder myself. At this point, if I had to guess I would say that it was the contracts essay that most likely put my name in the do-over category. But then again it could have had something with the fact that the actual multiple choice questions had little to do with anything PMBR or Bar/Bri threw at me. No sense in over analyzing this one, at least until the mandarins who run the clusterfuck that is the Bar allow me to plunk down an additional eleven dollars plus however much it costs to get the damn form notarized so that I can see how I did on a test that I had previously paid a small fortune to take in the first place. Stay tuned, I guess….