Day 3 - Depression

Today it’s really starting to sink in, and I feel utterly depressed. Next week I will not be sworn in, or do whatever else one does when they pass the bar. I was really looking forward to finalizing the three-year trip that was law school. But now, the only thing I have to look forward to is even more time with those torture devices better known as contracts and property. Outwardly, I’ve tried to put the best face on the result as possible, but I can’t help but feel like an utter failure.

I’ve begun to regularly answer my phone again, but now consider this a mistake. Everyone is obsessed with telling me stories about people they knew who previously failed the bar and that I shouldn’t worry because they were able to pass the second or third time. This isn’t the best tack to take in their vain efforts to cheer me up given the fact that these same people told me the exact same stories in July to illustrate their beliefs that I shouldn’t worry because everyone they know who failed the bar was idiot and so their failure was more or less a foregone conclusion. Needless to say, I now feel like an idiot as well. So, I’ve once again stopped answering my phone and have no intention of doing so until hell freezes over or the year 2020, whichever comes first.

I also made the mistake of looking at the actual pass list. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t help it either. It’s demoralizing to see that certain classmates who couldn’t find their way out of a paper bag managed to pass. I’m really starting to dread the idea of potentially having to discuss the finer points concerning my recent failure with friends and family over Thanksgiving dinner. At this point I would rather spend the day at the dentist than have to deal with repeated expressions of concern or questions about what I think might have gone wrong with the test. Being depressed is apparently exhausting as I passed out at 9:00 p.m.