Goodbye Isolation

As I’ve written before, I think that one of the hardest parts about failing the bar is the utter sense of isolation that comes with it. For me connecting with the 20% (give or take) of my class who also failed was difficult given the fact that I was only really close with one other person who failed, who for a variety of reasons isn't re-taking the bar. Although sympathetic, non-lawyers don't really understand the sheer time, energy and financial resources that are involved with taking, much less, failing the bar, and are therefore not the best group of individuals to talk to. I still find myself avoiding those who passed, but based on my limited contact with this group, generally feel like they regard me as if I just failed out of rehab. Until you've done it yourself, its really hard to understand what its like.

In light of this, I think one of the main reasons that I took the performance test seminar was to meet other people who also didn’t pass. It was a breath of fresh air to meet a class full of equally capable, smart and intelligent fellow failee’s. Other bloggers have compared failing the stages of grief that accompany the death of a close friend or relative. I agree with this analogy, as I found myself experiencing the majority of the emotions that follow the grieving process. To be sure, failing the bar is nowhere near as bad as losing someone close to you, but after having experienced both, I can say that the range of accompanying emotions are kind of similar. I feel like I'm finally starting to break the cycle of shock, fear, anger, blame and despair. Meeting others certainly helped me break out from the almost constant feelings of despair and self-loathing. I know that there will be days when I feel like shit because of this, but a least these days are increasingly fewer and far between.