A wasted year?

I think the scariest/worst aspect of failing the bar is the sheer amount of time that is wasted as a result. At about this time last year I was skating through a bunch of bullshit classes that I knew even less about then, than I do know. I was getting ready to graduate, to enjoy my two days of vacation between the end of law school and the start of PMRB, and was generally trying not to think too hard about the eternal boredom and monotony that I knew would be my 6 week journey through BarBri.

I have to say that it feels like some sort of sick joke that I’m less than 10 days away from my 1 year PMBR anniversary, and that I will have blown an entire year of my life alternatively studying, waiting, obsessing, dreaming, and thinking about the bar before I actually find out whether I passed this time around. With the exception of infancy, I don’t think I’ve ever accomplished less over the course of a year in my life. I’d love to be able to say on some sort of meta level that I’ve learned a lot about myself during the past year or some bullshit like that, but the reality of it is that the only things that have changed is the calendar, my bank account, and probably a bunch of other things that are too depressing to think about. Maybe in 10 years I’ll look back on this whole experience and be able to laugh, or extract some pearl of wisdom from this whole ordeal, but from my current perch I fail to see how this can be seen as anything other than a blown year.

This entire experience has been one never-ending string of humiliation, gut-checks, and frustration. One very astute commenter wrote, "[t]his hell is not something I would ever wish on anyone, even my worst enemy. Wait, lately that seems to be me." I really couldn't agree more.