Tension

I feel neither worried nor excited, just tense. Someone once said that tension is anticipation and uncertainty, I think this sums it up perfectly. Too much water has passed under the proverbial bridge for me to feel any other way. I can’t be excited, because according to the game of chance, you can't be certain that you passed, and indeed would be foolhardy to claim, much less believe, that you had in fact done so.

I do feel a glimmer of optimism that the stars might align this time around and grease my entry into official attorneydom. I did feel better prepared both in terms of mastery of the content, but more importantly, that I had a better understanding of the exam behind the exam, or what the examiners actually look for. I came out of this last examine feeling that I wouldn’t be surprised to find that I eventually had passed.

On the other hand, I wouldn’t be surprised if I failed. I feel like I sort of sleepwalked through the first morning. I feel like I hit all the major areas, but am unsure to what degree I might have merely shuffled through them. I found the MBEs more difficult in relation to last year’s exam, but chalk this up to aftermath of the PMBR infringement lawsuit that likely forced the NCBE to re-write their questions. I felt that the third day was my best by far. By sheer dumb luck, I had spent a bit of time the night before going over the subject areas tested in July just to cover my ass in case they re-tested anything. I guess I got lucky, but I’m not sure that this was enough to make up for two decidedly lackluster evidence and corporations essays.

As far as I’m concerned, the PTs could go either way. I didn’t exactly feel like time was on my side during both afternoon sessions and thus have no idea how I did, or how well I might have hit whatever issues they were looking for.

My biggest fear concern the fact that my computer fucked up several times during the exam. Although they reassured me repeatedly that my exam wouldn’t be composed of a ream of unspoiled blank pages, I have about as much faith in the exam software support and bar exam personnel as I would in trying to watch Bush try to manage his way out of a paper bag.

So, I feel that weird nervous energy that can only come from waiting for the end result of what, in my mind at least, seemingly amounts to a giant crapshoot.