Day 4 - What Next?

After arriving at work today I was immediately ushered into my supervisor’s office to discuss “my future at the firm.” I spent the weekend more or less dreading this moment, as I was pretty sure that I would be unemployed by Monday afternoon. I work for a small law firm that operates in a highly specialized area of the law. I was expecting to continue working as an associate after the bar, but also had the distinct impression that I would lose my job should I manage to fail the bar.

Fortunately, I learned this morning that I wouldn’t be let go and that they will continue to pay for my health insurance and gym membership when I take time off to study for the February exam. Naturally, this brought up a whole new line of questions that I had tried to avoid during the weekend. What the hell am I going to do about studying for the bar a second time?

They asked me if I was going to take time off or work part time, I have no idea. I spent the morning on the train trying to figure out if I wanted to try to find an alternative career and avoid re-writing the bar. This idea is rather appealing, except for the fact that I’m afraid that I’ll constantly have nagging feelings of failure for the rest of my life. I have no idea what kind of job I could find and also wonder whether not being bar certified would hurt my non-law employment odds or be seen as some sort of intellectual failure on my part. I more or less put this idea to rest, but have no idea what the hell I’m going to do about the February bar.

Do I want/need to take the monumental rip-off otherwise known as Bar/Bri again? The idea of listening to Professor Whitebread say “review Californians review” a million more times is not particularly appealing. But then again, do I really have a choice? And if I do re-do Bar/Bri, should I take the entire time off? My sense, borne out of the sheer desire to never have to do this again, is that I should suck it up and take the entire time off. I don’t know, I need to pony up another small fortune to the California Bar for the privilege of writing this test a second time by the end of the month, but I guess I can figure this one out while tuning out all the advice I’m sure to receive during Thanksgiving dinner.